Breaking news about another lost iPhone prototype, again in a bar by an Apple employee, nearly pushed the newly-retired former CEO of Apple over the edge. For nearly 30 second Steve Jobs was furious and about ready to drive to that office himself and choke that jackass.
“What? Again? Are you fucking kidding me?” yelled Jobs while sitting in his custom-made Aeron chair from the comfort of his home office. “I swear I’m going to kill that a– oh, wait! Hey, I don’t have to deal with this shit anymore. This is [Tim] Cook’s problem now!” laughed Jobs.
Jobs, relieved that he no longer has to handle personnel issues or intense criticism over Apple’s aggressive business practices, pulled out his brand new Motorola Atrix and text-messaged newly-appointed Apple CEO, Tim Cook.
“Tim, looks like you lost another prototype in bar. Get those drunk-ass employees under control! HAHAHAH” said the text message.
Cook quickly replied, “LOL, I’m going to kick that guy’s ass so hard, ROFLCOPTER. Want your old job back? Call me later, i have to go sue everone [sic], haha.”
Jobs has been enjoying this newly found retirement, passing time by trying his hand at web development and sitting on the beach with long-time rival and retired Microsoft CEO, Bill Gates, discussing how ridiculously rich and bad-ass they are.